The old fling
To the Detroit Red Wings,
Get. Over. Your. Self.
You haven’t been relevant in almost a decade, and yet your annoying fanbase still insists you’re a franchise deserving of our respect. Sure, you’re one of the original six, we get it, we’ve heard it, but give it a rest.
The Red Wings are that older sibling that peaked to soon, and likes to live in the glory days while being unemployed living in mom and dad’s basement.
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You like to make fun of our fanbase because we have our own unique traditions, and you always try to “pack” Bridgestone Arena, but while you may be able to buy tickets, you can’t seem to buy a win on the ice.
You scoff at us throwing a catfish on the ice, as if you have the market cornered because you like to throw an octopus on the ice, but at least the catfish is native to the Nashville area. Oh, an octopus is “symbolic” because of the eight wins you needed to lift the Stanley Cup back in 1952? Real cool.
Honestly, we consider you a rival, and we hope we can reignite that rivalry this upcoming season with some temporary divisional realignment, but until you pose a threat, until you can even contend for the playoffs again, how are we supposed to take you seriously?
Sure, back in the day, we threw some haymakers. Our fanbase is made up of some former Red Wings fans who were transplants to the Saturn plant from Detroit, so there’s some shared history. But as of late, you’ve done nothing to merit our attention.
May your holiday season finally bring you a playoff appearance again, just so we can watch you get bounced in the first round like the last three appearances.